10 Things I Hate About You(Tube)

23.8.16

Yeah, so perhaps 'hate' is a strong word - 'annoy' is more apt - but I couldn't resist a catchy title.

Image found via pinterest

I watch a lot of YouTube and my 'watch later' list is currently 200+ deep.  And whilst I enjoy 95% of what I see, and I'm definitely not a person who watches just to pick holes, there's no denying there's some irritating stuff out there.  I could probably write a small novella on this, but for now here's my top ten:

Loud backing music
Dependent on my mood, that over-used whistling backing music can be annoying enough on it's own.  But cranked up so I can't actually hear what's being said....did you even watch the video back before you uploaded?  Do people think I can lipread?! And inconsistent volume which jumps up and down throughout....why???

Children's TV presenter persona
This is one that I control and I fully embrace that there's a space for everyone online.  But when I've subscribed to you for ages and you suddenly regress back to a child-like character, I just don't get it.  Perhaps that's where the money is and I'm no longer your target audience.  Perhaps I'm cynical.  If you're in your mid-twenties please behave as such - or at least talk to me like I'm an adult!

"If that makes sense..."
You're describing a lip gloss.  This is not rocket science.  Please don't insult my intelligence, of course it makes sense.

Careoke
The quickest way to get me to click off a vlog.  I won't even scroll ahead I hate it that much.  You are not the next Bieber (or a much more current internet-discovered singing superstar, I won't even pretend to be down with the kids) and I do not want to hear you wailing along in the car thinking you're the shizz.  We all do it, we just don't all film ourselves for the world to see.

"I love you guys"
You don't know me, of course you don't love me.  We're quick to judge trolls and internet weirdos....some of them could be watching your videos.  Do you still love those guys? 

Fake laughter
There are two strands to this one.  First, the nervous laugh which accompanies every other sentence.  I could've hit the nail on the head, it may be a nervous thing but the majority of the time nothing funny's even being said and the laughing is irksome.  Second, pretend laughing in lookbooks.  Especially when you're on your own in your room....and I know you are because I can see the tripod's reflection in your oversized Quay Australia sunnies....I'd much rather a resting bitch face lookbook than a fake one.

Bloopers
Similarly cringey for me to watch are bloopers.  They're not funny, they're rarely natural and I don't need to see you pouting and preening for the camera.

Non-disclosure
This one's slightly more bothersome than just annoying - in fact it's downright sneaky.  Whenever I see a product suddenly get mentioned in a positive light across multiple channels my suspicions are raised.  I'm strong enough in my thoughts and tastes to not get sucked in, but my respect and trust in those YouTubers gets chipped away slightly and it turns me right off the product too.

"Looks a little something like this...."
Right, so you're describing the new top/trainers/lipstick/whatever you've just bought and then proceed to hold it up, saying "and it looks a little something like this...".  Well which is it - you're either showing me what you actually bought, in which case it is this, or you've described something and then decided to hold up a similar item instead.  To avoid confusion, can we just go with "this is what I bought"?

"Super"
There are more superlatives (how ironic/unfortunate that that's the grammatical term for it) out there than 'super'.  "Super cute" is by far the most overused description I hear; I once counted at least 20 occasions it was used in one video.  One!  Please expand your vocabulary and start experimenting with a few different adverbs.  'Very' and 'really' are good starting points!  

It's unfortunate that after compiling this list, I watched a video in which a popular YouTuber did at least one of the above, and in the context I mention it.  This post isn't angled at anyone in particular....it's all of them!  I joke, but probably should make it clear that there is absolutely no shame or hate intended.  

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